How to care less
TL;DR
We live in a world where we have access to all sorts of information…and it’s overwhelming
My brain will tell me to care… but then my body has some friction against it
There is nothing wrong about not caring about something as much as someone else
Care less, it’s ok.
Caring less, just to feel a little peace in a world that thrives on me being overwhelmed enough to look to it for a distraction
I wonder if you clicked this title because it sounded interesting or if you genuinely want to figure out how to care less about things?
I hope it wasn’t too clickbait-y but truly I think we (as humans) need to learn how to care less. Not about everything, but about most things. Why would I say such an insane thing (on the internet no less)? We live in a world where we have access to all sorts of information, including fake news and AI generated content. It’s all literally in the palm of our hands, well on the device in the palm of our hands, which seems amazing, but it’s incredibly overwhelming.
There is going to be news every day, because believe it or not, everyone is living slightly different lives in different parts of the world. And now that we can see the news from across the globe, we have it more available to us. But more isn’t necessarily better.
I am not here to tell you what to care about, that is not the aim of this post. I am someone who has been told it’s very impressive I have been able to prioritise what is worth throwing my emotional, physical, mental and psychological wellbeing away for. And to be fair, I realised it about 4 years ago how overwhelming reality truly is, and the danger of spreading myself thin trying to care about every single issue that goes on, on this planet. So how do you go about trying to care less?
Identify if you care too much
I am not the one to tell you if you are caring about too many things or too much. I believe everyone has their own tolerance. Some people can only care about 3 things at a time, whilst others can balance so much more. I don’t believe it makes anyone better, and I also don’t know if you can increase or decrease your tolerance. But what I do know from my own experience ism how to identify what’s worth caring for.
Obviously, everyone is going to be different. Whilst I don’t have a space in my heart to avidly look for injured creatures in the wild, rehabilitate them and rehome them, I do have space to help strangers in moments of need. I know there are people out there who will use that to determine your morality and ethics, but as long as you don’t naturally do anything morally or ethically wrong, their judgement means nothing, and shouldn’t affect you.
How I can tell if I am caring too much about something, is that my brain will tell me to care and do something about it, but then my body has some friction against it. Maybe there is a nagging feeling inside that deeply doesn’t want to care that much, and it can sometimes make me feel guilty, because I feel like I should care. At this point, I recognise there is a compromise. I can and do care about something, but not as much as the energy I am forcing myself to give to it. There is a boundary somewhere (that I subconsciously have) that I have crossed, and I have to take some time to figure out where that is. Once I know where that is, I can wholeheartedly give myself up until that boundary, so I don’t end up resenting the thing I originally cared about. I acknowledge that I don’t care about it as much as someone else could, and that it’s not a bad thing. But that determines the overall energy I am able to give willingly and stops me from having that dread and dragging feet feeling.
There is nothing wrong about not caring about something as much as someone else. I know it feels like it is, especially when there are people who say “if you don’t care about it as much as I/we do, then you don’t care at all and can’t be with us”. If that was the case, then charities wouldn’t ask for you to “give what you can”, and instead should ask for you to donate as much as their highest donor, to show you care enough. But that’s not the message because caring, even if only a little. helps their cause.
Identify what you do care a lot about
Like I have said, everyone is different and will care a lot about different things. For example, take Greta Thunberg. She is known for her determination to get leadership to listen about the effects of climate change on the planet, and how that will affect the future generations. She found something she cares about, a lot, and she will stand on business for it. I can wholeheartedly admit, I do care about the environment and our carbon footprint, and I do not appreciate how leadership is not being proactive in a way that shows they care about the planet, and not profits in production. But you don’t see me protesting with Greta and actively standing with her when she does talks. Because I don’t care as much as she does. I will do my part still, but she cares about it on a whole other level, that I don’t have the capacity for.
Whether it’s something that brings you joy or peace, there will be something out there that you care about a lot. And many people will judge you for it, but the key thing is to ignore them. They clearly want to live in a world where everyone cares about what they care about, with no autonomy. I find that since I know what I care about, I do not hold insane judgement on what others care about a lot. I can share my motivations as to why I care, but I do not need to fight or encourage someone to care as much about something as I do.
Remind yourself what matters most to you
Now you have identified what truly matters to you, you can evaluate when issues/events come to you, how much attention they get. The aim is that if something falls outside of this group, then you don’t need to give it all of your attention, it’s ok to not give 100% to everything.
It might seem “wrong” or “mean”, but the thing is there is some part of you that doesn’t naturally care a lot about some things. And that’s ok, because you feeling bad for not caring enough, means you do still care and you can still contribute, help or support within your capacity. But you should not feel like you have to break your back to prove that your heart is in the right place. People can try to make you feel bad, but that’s because they do care a lot about it, and they can’t appreciate that you don’t have the capacity to care at their level. And whilst that does suck, it does not make you an inherently bad person, because what little support you can give is better than none at all.
Closing message: Care less, it’s ok.
