How to plan a wedding when you have 0 experience in planning a wedding
First things first, don’t panic. Congrats on either being engaged, or being given this role by the engaged couple. It’s going to be a wild ride, riddled with ups and downs, and depending on how long you have to plan you might get bored at some parts, and that’s ok.
My qualifications: I have assisted in planning 1 wedding. As of when this post is live, we are 3 weeks away from the special day. So, no qualifications lol. The reason I assisted in planning was because I am the head bridesmaid, and I don’t despise planning.
Not my bride’s set up, just a stock photo
What to do when planning a wedding
Get introduced to the area. There are so many things that go into weddings, and depending on the couple, there might be details that need to be considered too. Start by exposing yourself to the free information out there. Weddings are expensive as it is, so don’t spend unnecessary cash yet, there are plenty of free resources out there.
I listened to the Unfiltered Bride Podcast. They are two people who are involved in the wedding planning industry, and definitely have good knowledge on it. They are based in the UK which helped me, but there will be other equivalents for other countries.
Using sources like this, are a great way to get an idea on what to expect. I learnt about the finnicky part of registrars, things to consider when accommodating guests and the complexity that exists within décor. There are wedding websites and blogs you can read, but sitting and reading something, was a lot harder for me. I could listen to the podcast on the go, in the gym and whenever, so it worked well for me.
Once you have the basics…
Once you have taken in some of the advice from the experts, you start confirming things with the couple. You should use the experts words as guidance. This is because while they are experts in the general topic of weddings, they are not experts in the couple who are getting married in front of you.
I know my bride gets overwhelmed with decisions easily. So, when I wanted her to make a decision on something, I brought her 2 options. I would’ve at least considered what I think she would like, and brought the 2 most likely contenders. This might seem manipulative, but this is why you need to personalise the ideas to the couple themselves.
I wanted my bride to feel as relaxed as possible in the planning process, as she would be able to get through the journey with minimal stress. We planned the wedding over 18 months, if she was overwhelmed at the start, it would have been a lot harder for all of us. So, tailor the advice to the couple.
Set clear boundaries
In all the excitement of planning a wedding, boundaries can get lost in the fun. But that’s how we can end up with tensions being built, and over an 18-month period that is not ideal. Weddings do bring out the insane colours in people, but having clear communicated boundaries can help minimise the tensions building.
For example, my bride wanted 2 hen parties, both of which were things if I planned alone, I would have been out of my depth. I communicated that very early on, and the bride was very understanding. There were other bridesmaids, friends and family that happily took over those parts. This meant I was able to be present for the direct wedding planning, and she could still ensure the hen parties were done to her liking.
Do’s and Don’ts
Do
Visit the venue multiple times (if possible)
Ask questions early on (planning involves a lot, which means things can be forgotten too)
Keep a check list of things to do or items to get
Consider the practical things, such as moving tables between the reception and the dance party, the practical shoes to wear, make up reapplication etc.
A practise run of hair, nails, make up, the outfit – make sure you, the bride and everyone is comfortable in what they will be wearing for 18 hours.
Reassure the bride or real her back in – weddings can bring out the worst in people. She just wants her voice heard for her day, and sometimes might need some help reevaluating things.
Have fun on the day, but remember the couple will most likely be swept off their feet, so keep them hydrated and fed
Don’t
Bring judgemental opinions unless it’s asked
Try to change the guest list last minute
Hate on the dress, especially if you were not involved in helping to pick the dress
Honestly, this has been in an insane experience. I can say wedding planning is hard, and I really have to question it for myself. I have had a great time being my friends head bridesmaid, but whoo, this was hard. Also, the wedding industry is crazy expensive, so the brides going all of it DIY, you are troopers and determined.
TL;DR
Wedding season is upon us, and I get to be a part of it this year, so here is what I have learnt from helping plan a wedding.
