If you’re not one of my biggest fans and constant readers, then I think you clicked on this post because you need this. Maybe it’s annoying you how little things such as seeing someone you used to talk to, or hear a word that throws you back into a nostalgic thought; and that day is lost to hours of dissociating from reality. Maybe you can’t focus on work or a simple task, because the thought takes over so much.

I get that sometimes, and here are a few things I do to manage the distracting thoughts.

Caveat

I am not a mental health professional, nor do I claim to be. These are my practises following my own journey with a mental health professional, and these are my experiences, to give a guiding thought. Please seek an actual mental health professional if you do require one, as my content is not a solution.

I try not to even create this situation

I am not saying to predict the future, but there are times you notice the end of an era is arriving. The way you handle this will have an effect on how others around you perceive it, and if you handle it ‘poorly’ or with minimal empathy, you can end up in a situation where if you ever bump into that person again, it consumes your day about how you handled the end.

I have experienced enough of these gentle drifts, especially in friendships, to know if the friendship is something more long term or not. If not, then I make sure to keep communication and boundaries clear. I believe you can have a lot of respect for someone, if they are clear from the start. So, I am like this from the get-go, and comparing the ending of era at the start of my adulting journey compared to now, when the ending does happen, I handle situations a lot more healthier now, and it don’t consume my thoughts all day.

When the end is inevitable

So, the end of an era has happened, and it was pretty rough. Seeing the person or their name or something that reminds you of them, send you into spiralling thoughts. Maybe even making you feel anxious. So, how do you minimise those thoughts and feelings from consuming your day?

Breathe

Literally taking the time to take deep breaths will do wonders for your thoughts. It grounds you and helps calm the mind. I use the Headspace app when my own control isn’t able to handle it, and for £50 a year, it’s a good app (not sponsored). They have several guided breathing exercises for so many different causes, it’s really handy. You can even listen to it in your headphones at work, on a stressful day, and it’s so nice to decompress in the moment.

Distraction

This can take on any means, as a distraction is just taking a left turn on your train of thought. Maybe go for a walk and think about the feeling of the wind on your skin, or the texture of the ground under your shoe.

I find this one pretty tricky, as I tend to know I am distracting myself. But the distraction pulls you away from the moment, and does its job. Your train of thought will follow a different tangent, and make it easier to not let the thoughts be consumed by one thing.

Stop the train of thought

You are the one in charge of your thoughts. You initiate and propagate them, AND you can also stop them. So, tell them to stop and divert those thoughts to something you can handle. I prefer to change my music playlist to something that I enjoy, like the Kpop Demon Hunters soundtrack, or an audiobook.

This one is a lot harder, as it involves enforcing the habit of stopping those thoughts each time. It requires a sense of discipline, and that does come with time. It can feel overwhelming having thoughts that are quite negative, and it feels like you can’t overpower them. But since they are your thoughts, you can take control.

Summary

The thing is trying to prevent something from distracting you so much, that it takes over your day is hard. After my first friendship ending, it took over 2 years, to not feel so anxious about hearing their name being mentioned. But now, I can read it and hear it, and the spiralling thoughts, don’t consume my day. Yeah they take up a few minutes at first, but that’s nothing compared to hours upon hours of the day being fixated on thoughts.

TL;DR

- I handle situations a lot healthier now, and it don’t consume my thoughts all day.

- Taking the time to take deep breaths will do wonders for your thoughts

- They are your thoughts, you can take control.

How to not let an ending ruin your day