I have been someone who has been used to their own company for a long time. Even coming from a big family, and having a reasonably full social life until I reached university, there were many times I remember choosing to hang out alone. And it wasn’t bad. Though I’ll admit, Disney movies and the general peer pressure of being in school, made me question it. But as an adult, it’s actually really fun to do things solo sometimes.

Gain the confidence to live a fulfilled life, solo

Caveat

I’m not saying you have to do everything on your own, unless you really want to. I do very much resonate with the idea of being an introvert, but every once in a while I actively get myself to hang out with people. Because when I hang out with them after being solo for a while, I appreciate their friendship so much more, and it encourages me to continue maintaining that friendship.

Baby steps to going out solo

Step 1

Start small. If you live alone, do an activity (that you don’t normally do) to keep yourself company. Have some nice music or a podcast in the background and do some colouring or a jigsaw puzzle. Trust me, it might feel weird or ‘sad’ to do it, if you’re not comfortable with this feeling, but it helps.

Step 2

When you are able to find some enjoyment with your own company indoors, take it outside for a few hours. Go for a walk, or a drive, or intentionally go out and get some ice cream. Something small, not too long, and you are not around the same strangers for a prolonged amount of time. This is to get you used to being around people you don’t know.

There is a stark difference to being around people you know in public, and complete strangers. You might be drawn to the people you know, which you may not naturally do with strangers. So, you need to get used to going around, making eye contact, and not interacting. Because not everyone in the street will want to interact with you, sadly.

Step 3

Increase your time out of the house, alone. Go for a longer walk or make a trip to go visit a site like a castle you can explore for a few hours. Or a trip to a gallery or the cinema. At least the gallery is very active in walking and distracting. It’s unlikely you would feel like someone is watching you be alone. And same with the cinema. It’s a dark room with one focal point, and it most definitely isn’t you. It’s a great place to go solo.

Reaching the top of a hill is very endorphin rich.

Look at that smile!

I haven’t suggested to go out and eat a meal out yet on purpose. There are so many things that are less daunting, than sitting around people and just being alone. And those environments are overstimulating and can be a lot of pressure for someone still learning to be solo. So, stick to temporary outings, which give you flexibility to leave, if you ever feel uncomfortable.

Step 4

Take a small activity, like a book or your headphones and sit in a coffee shop. The thing with this is you don’t have to go locally. If you want to minimise the chance of bumping into someone you know, you can go anywhere. Coffee shops are still flexible, you can even get your drink in a takeaway cup, because if it becomes overwhelming you can still walk out.

The reason I say take a small activity, is because reading in a coffee shop, sitting with your headphones or even with a laptop, is not strange. It’s very normal and you can learn to be around outside places, whilst doing a normal activity in those places.

Step 5

It’s time to order some food. You can start off in the coffee shop still, but order a hot item along with you drink in a to go cup. Sit and eat it, whilst doing your activity. Reading, listening to music, typing on your laptop. Easy. To further challenge yourself, instead of doing the activity whilst you wait for the food, do some people watching. This will help you for the next step.

Step 6

Now this is the leap of faith. Book the dinner. Dinners feel more formal, and I wouldn’t be surprised if you are worried that if you book a dinner for a table for 1, that you feel conscious that people are laughing at you. But they won’t be. Yes, some people stare, but most of the time it’s because they know they aren’t brave enough to go enjoy a meal on their own. If it still makes you feel uncomfortable, don’t forget you will have your phone whilst you wait. Scroll through social media, play a game. Who cares. You’re living your life.

My favourite part about step 6 is that, since dinners are formal, I get to dress up. Do my hair, my makeup and wear something cute. I also use this time to plan potential outfits for a date AND try out the local restaurants, so when a guy does ask me out, I know options that I like. (Honestly, I’m a catch 😉)

Best solo travel achievement so far was making it to Italy (and back)

Step 7

Book a night away. This compiles everything in the previous steps. You can stay indoors and do your indoor activity. You can go to the coffee shop. You can go for dinner or order takeout. This is the ultimate step, before you are able to literally solo travel around the country and beyond.

Summary

The aim of this post is not to give you confidence to do some weird activity in a restaurant. It’s to help you feel more comfortable with the idea of exploring more in your adulting journey. My fear is limiting myself just because I don’t have someone to ‘live/share my life with’. But that someone is not guaranteed, so why would I sit at home for goodness knows how long, waiting for this someone and wasting my life away waiting for them to show up? This was enough to motivate me to go out and enjoy my life solo in the meantime. Understandably not everyone has the same philosophical views on life, as I do. So, this was a step-by-step guide to help you get to the same place I am, but with gentle coaxing and less fear mongering.

TL;DR

- The aim of this post is to help you feel more comfortable to explore adulting, even when you’re alone.

- You shouldn’t have to limit what life you do experience, just because you can’t sync everyone’s calendars, or you don’t have a date.

- Go! Enjoy your adulting life solo – who knows who you will meet when you’re out there 😉

- This was a step-by-step guide to help you get to the same place I am, but with gentle coaxing and less fear mongering

How to get used to going out solo