How does one find themselves as an adult? How do you know when you have found yourself? The term is thrown around quite a bit, especially since I am still in my early career and young. But yeah, what does it mean? I don’t remember a lesson or lecture being titled “How to find yourself 101”, or else I would have taken it.

A little bit of journaling here, for some self-discovery

Methods to find yourself

Growing up I always heard when people went to find themselves, it was associated with going backpacking around Europe or South America. But from personal experience, I have been finding myself and I didn’t need to spend months out of the country to do that. So, what are ways to find yourself?

· The travelling route

· Introspective looking

· Experimenting

Find yourself through travelling

This method involves taking yourself away from your ‘normal’, or the encouraged life path. For example, they say you go to school, then university, then get a job and move up the ladder. At some point between finishing school and moving up the career ladder, someone can take the break to go find themselves. Between school and university, it’s called a gap year. When you are already in a career, it’s called a career break or a sabbatical.

Imaginary Rue doing her imaginer backpacking here

Find yourself through introspective thoughts

This is where you ask yourself the questions that make you really think what aligns with you and what doesn’t. It also includes things like journaling, meditation and self-reflection. Not as fancy as travelling around, but it’s cheaper.

With this, you start by reflecting on your past, how you got here and see what sits well with you and what doesn’t. You don’t have to have strong feelings about anything, but it’s evaluating your values and boundaries with previous interactions with people. You then use that knowledge, to check if your present version is living in a way that is aligned to what your values are.

Experimenting

This is where you just go with the flow of what interests you. Something sounds interesting, so you go to it and see what it’s like. This is a more active method by using trial and error to see what you like and dislike. And with each trial, you figure yourself out and then make the adjustments where necessary.

Why should you find yourself?

Having the knowledge of the kind of person you are, means you’re able to build relationships and live your life true to yourself. There is minimal pressure from the outside dictating how you live. I believe the aim is so then you feel like you have control on your life, with purpose and meaning in the everyday living. If you don’t know yourself, you’re also more likely to make decisions that can harm you in the long term. And I guess it would feel much better in your final moments of existing to reflect on your life, and feel like you made the most of it, to your level of happiness and fulfilment. With less regrets for what you didn’t do, or how you let other people bother you. It’s truly your own life in your hands.

Some meditation and introspective thinking here

How do you know when you have found yourself?

They say it’s the ‘journey of self-discovery’. That’s because there isn’t a clearly defined destination. You won’t feel like you have reached the end of the task bar, and you get a medal for ‘fully finding yourself’. But it’s a journey, where you slowly find things about yourself, that you couldn’t have predicted or prepared for.

However, each time you discover something new about yourself, that’s you reaching the next level of your discovery journey. They won’t always be positive, but hopefully you can see the silver lining each time.

How am I finding myself right now

I am someone who experiments and does a little introspective looking. Travelling honestly sounds like a nightmare, because I have to pack, and organise the itinerary, and then be in new places, which is not fun for me in the slightest. But I experiment by throwing myself in new situations where I can. I do a little risk assessment to make sure I am not throwing myself into a deep end with sharks. But a little calculated risk never hurt anyone.

For example, I changed jobs this year. I knew I wanted to change for a few years, but I took the time to change to something worthwhile. I didn’t want to leave for the sake of leaving but wanted to leave for an opportunity that I would still benefit from. It’s been 5 months since I changed jobs, and I have learnt so much about myself. I have realised my old team kept me in my comfort zone with regards to people interactions. My new team is so social it crosses a boundary for the amount of talking I am willing to do with people who aren’t my friends. Now that I have learnt this, it means when I move to the next job (coz I defo am not staying), I know to request to meet the team before I send a job application (my job allows that). That way I can assess they interact with each other and have a better gauge on that particular value, that I want to keep in my professional environment.

Other ways I found myself was through therapy. I spent 2.5 years doing a lot of self-reflection and introspective thinking. This was helpful, since I walked through it with someone I trusted. And they offered support when I needed it, and they watched me come to my own conclusions on what I value, what I care about and what I don’t appreciate. Having learnt those things, I then decided how I wanted to love my life, and now each day I make conscious attempts to live like the version of me, I grew up hoping to be. I am confident, I am surrounded by people I care about and who care about me. I speak up my mind, whilst still respecting my culture and heritage, but add decent challenge to things that I don’t agree with.

Have I found myself?

Obviously, I have not finished finding myself. I know there are topics and areas of adulting I have not experienced yet. So, I don’t know how I will react/respond to those, and where my values lie on those. However, I have found a lot of myself that I didn’t know I had in my earlier adulting journey, and I am very excited to see what else I find about myself in the future.

TL;DR

- Methods to finding yourself:

· Travelling

· Introspective thinking

· Experimenting

- Finding yourself, helps you lead your life the way you subconsciously want to. And help on reflection to realise that you have found fulfilment and meaning in your everyday living.

- It’s a journey of self-discovery, rather than a map leading to a destination.

- Not every new thing you discover about yourself will be positive in the present, but on reflection it hopefully works out why that discovery was beneficial to the life you led.

Self-discovery: How to find yourself as an adult