Is it Narcissistic or Confidence?
It’s my birthday soon, and I wanted to talk about my interpretation of Narcissism vs Confidence. I love my birthday, because I am happy to have people put their attention on me. It feels like a perfect time in my life to welcome their attention on me. And I enjoy it.
Could it be narcissism?
I remember when I graduated, in the earlier half of this decade, people were shocked at how I accepted their praise. Like why are you surprised that I am happy and proud of myself for what I achieved? Were you expecting me to be humble when literally dragged myself through that degree? Ha!
I achieved it, and if you are praising me for that, I will take every drop that you give. Not because I am narcissistic, but because we all acknowledge that I did it. Why diminish the achievement?
I threw myself a birthday bash for my 25th, and people thought it was insane I wanted that much attention to myself.
I LOVED it!
Can I be narcissistic?
A narcissist is defined as ‘a person who has an excessive interest in or admiration of themselves.’
I think we all have narcissistic tendencies, and that’s ok. Where it feels/becomes incriminating, is when you apply it (consciously or not) with a malicious intent or expectation of how people will respond to you.
An example of me showing my narcissistic tendencies, is when someone says something, and I don’t respond humbly. Such as ‘Oh wow you did that, that’s amazing, you must be really talented.’ And I respond with ‘Thank you. Yeah, I worked really hard, and I am really proud of myself for what I achieved. Thanks for recognising that.’
The thing is, sometimes I catch the tendency before it plays out, because I don’t want to present it all the time. But I am not superhuman, so it can slip without me realising. I accept it, and if I hurt someone, then I take accountability for it. I can’t beat myself for it too much, because it doesn’t happen often. I don’t need to change my entire personality as a result of an occasional slip up. And I also don’t hold that expectation on people in my life (that I choose to have).
Humbly being confident
The trickiness with confidence, is if you don’t balance it with being humble, then you come off arrogant. You can accept the attention, but don’t milk it or drag it on beyond what the person is willing to give. An example of this is, if some compliments your ability to do something one day. If you keep bringing it up to bring the attention back on you, then that is less confidence and more narcissism.
However, being humbly confident is doable, it can still take people by surprise, but they accept it better than arrogance. The key to how I do it, is to show my appreciation to the process that led to whatever I achieved, as well as highlight my pride in myself. For example, when I graduated the interaction went like this:
Person: Wow, you must be so proud of yourself for getting your degree.
Me: Yeah, I’m so relieved it’s done, it was a lot of hard work hahaha. But yes, I am so proud of what I have achieved.
This was the first time I realised I could celebrate my achievements and accept that I did great, humbly.
Or
My birthday is coming up, so I have prewarned people that I am dedicating my energy to myself. I do things to appreciate the attention on my birthday. Many people don’t like birthdays for the attention on them and their aging lives, but each year I welcome my new age with excitement and admiration for how far I have come. To me, life is too short to be sad at the things that are out of my control. So, I embrace it and celebrate the fact that I made it another year around the sun.
I post a lot of content related to myself, drawing attention to me as a person, rather than me as a content creator. It’s more self-centred, rather than me giving you content to highlight my general adult life. My birthday/month is the time I give to myself, since I am generous throughout the year, especially to the people I care deeply for. I like to dedicate that energy towards me at this time of year. And at a time where everyone naturally celebrates my existence on this planet, I think it’s the perfect time for me to give myself that attention. (What a humble way of saying, I’m not caring about anyone else but me right now 🤣).
The balance between the two
Essentially, it’s a hard balance and you won’t get it right all the time, and that’s ok. How someone responds to your actions is their problem (and that’s the confidence talking, not the narcissism). If they respond poorly rather than seeking clarity, it says more about them (and possibly how they view you) rather than it being a reflection on you. So, don’t be hard on yourself. Your biggest cheerleader will always be you, so cheer for yourself sometimes. We can’t always expect that others will celebrate us all the time. (that’s a slightly narcissistic expectation lol).
TL;DR
Narcissism and humble confidence are quite hard to balance since they can be interpreted the same. With shock.
We all have narcissistic tendencies, but it does not make you one if you occasionally show those tendencies.
11 out of 12 months I am humbly confident, but this month (July), is my month. Take that as a warning, in case you get offended by my content this month.🤣
My birthday is coming, and this is my birth month. I do not own this month (obvs), but I will certainly act like it for its remaining days.
