What to expect when supporting wedding planning

8 May

Not all of us are born to be wedding planners, but somehow we end up in that position anyways. For the last 18 months (ish) I have been supporting my friend in her wedding planning, and for anyone else in this position – here is a list of things I think you should expect, to manage your expectations on during the experience.

To forget

Even if you plan a wedding that is 6 months away, you will not recall every interaction/discussion around the wedding in that last 6 months. And that detail is even worse for weddings way far ahead. It’s just natural, especially if wedding planning is not your day job. It’s not just remembering when to book things, but also the little things such as keeping hold of receipts.

Note:

Even though I am telling you this, it does not mean you will be immune, so here is how to minimise the forgetfulness:

Record conversations, whether it’s with a Dictaphone or you take notes in a dedicated notebook. Just keep a record of interactions, meetings, decisions and conclusions. You never know when it will come in handy.

For example, 3 weeks before the wedding, the bride and groom called me wondering if I had a record of the table sizes, since they couldn’t find their inventory in their emails. Sadly, I didn’t get a copy of that email, and they had received it over a year ago. But thankfully, when we did the table plans, I took note of the table sizes in my notebook (that I only used for this wedding) which came in as a saving grace in a time of distress.

The expenses

It’s notoriously known that weddings are expensive, but when you are supporting one you get to see up close how bad those expenses are. It does depend on the couple where they want the money to be spent and such, but any others who are supporting can also dictate how much they are willing to spend on celebrations and prep for the wedding too.

Depending on the couple they may be perfectly fine with you being a part of the support team, and not being able to be involved in all the pre-celebrations. My bride saw nothing wrong with it, especially since we are not all local to each other, so coordinating calendars and time is so much harder. But again the pressure to turn up, is dependant on the couple and your resilience to peer-pressure.

Now finances are a lot harder to mitigate and prepare for, as everyone’s circumstances are different. But as Tesco says “Every little helps” – so saving a little bit in the long run (even if it doesn’t cover all the expenses in the build up to the wedding), is still better than having nothing in preparation. When my friend got engaged, I opened an account and started saving. The interest being earned on it was abysmal, and if I had started saving sooner, I may have had enough money for the first hen party haha. But alas, that’s what credit cards are for.

On top of just attending some of the pre-wedding celebrations, there is also the money spent as being a member of the wedding party. Other mini gatherings, outfits, hair and make up. Heck, my bride invited us to Switzerland to visit one of the bridesmaids there, and we came too. It wasn’t a hen party, and we did do some wedding admin, but it required my money to pay for my attendance. I was happy to spend the money, because these were experiences I can’t guarantee I would ever give myself, by choice. So, it was a great way to experience a girls trips, with a group of people that I am getting to know through my bride. And I have had fun along the way. I work a job to earn money so I can spend the time out of my job, live, laugh, loving my life.

The insane timings

Regardless of whether you have plenty of time (12+ months) to plan the wedding, or a matter of weeks to plan, there will be insane timings in both.

Did you know the registrar needs to see both the bride and groom about 30 mins before they go down the aisle? And then have a set amount of time to be present to witness that legal part of the wedding? And if for any reason the timings don’t work out, that wedding won’t be legal, and you would have to go to the registration office to make it official? – I didn’t until I learnt about it.

Not only that, because some people like to plan in advanced you can either book a venue 2 years from now or for next week – how weird is that?

But throughout the planning and prep season, there will be peaks and troughs of time passing by very fast, and others passing by very slow. In the last 18 months, there were points in time where I forgot the wedding was happening, because things were so quiet, and I had no reminder for it. I’m sure that wasn’t happening for the bride and groom, but it is their wedding lol.

That feeling

One thing the groom recently confided in me is that he feels like everything is done, but at the same time, nothing feels done at all. And I didn’t think I felt so seen, because I have been feeling that exact same way for a couple months now. I have my dress and shoes ready, and we have ticked off things in my list, proving that we have progressed. But because there isn’t something in front of me to prove we have finished it truly, I don’t feel like it’s done.

And what’s unsettling is that you don’t know you’re done until the day before the wedding, when you are setting up the venue, and your only saving grace is potentially Prime Next day delivery. But because we live in a rural place, that delivery would most likely come in the afternoon, so it will be too late by then. That day before is going to be the moment we see things finally come together, and I am both nervous and excited to see the end result, and celebrate my friend’s union.

Supporting a wedding, either as a member of the wedding party or a really supportive guest will introduce you to a lot of things that you couldn’t expect. The things I have listed above are just a few of the things I have experienced. It’s been a roller coaster 18 months and the planning season is coming to a close.

In case you want to know more about my journey through the last 18 months, I have a countdown series over on my Instagram and TikTok.

TL;DR

There are so many things that you won’t expect to happen during the planning process of a wedding.
It’s an emotional, mental and spiritual roller coaster supporting on wedding planning.

Rue Madhlambudzi